I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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