I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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