Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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