There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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