Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
we should paint friendship bongs
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