____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
