Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
