They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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