For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
