Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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