Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
