So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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