I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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