Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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