So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
