So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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