coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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