Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
