Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
