Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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