Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
