If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
