No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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