i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She announced her abortion via fbk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
