She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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