just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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