Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
