I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize