and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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