I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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