I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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