Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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