Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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