So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
