And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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