He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
