I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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