It was confusing and full of hummus
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
