She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
