walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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