Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
