I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
