youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
