Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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