They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the liver wants what the liver wants
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
