I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
