you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
