It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
