oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
