We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
