I am puke
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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