i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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