Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
