I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
