How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize