dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
