I hate all girls vehemently.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
