I met the friendliest cop last night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
