Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
