Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
