let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
