I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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