You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
