You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
