I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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