i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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